(no subject)

[slashy]

See, this is what happens when I make "I'm still alive" posts.

Half an hour later, I find something to post!

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York.

The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.

"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France."

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.

"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis."

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"

Now, gimme more jokes!!!!

Comments

[onempty.livejournal.com]

It's hard to find good jokes. D: But... I saw where you got this one~ x3 Fufufu

This one at least made me snicker:

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

[joymaro.livejournal.com]

hahahahaha!

Just saw this one:

Two farmers are in the pub having a beer Both are skint and in dire need of some money All they have is one pig each, and if by luck one is male and the other female So after having a few more beers they hit on a marvellous plan to make money By mating the two pigs they will have lots of little piggies to sell So the next morning at the crack of the dawn, the farmer with the female pig gets up Dumps the pig in a wheel barrow and walks around to his mates farm He introduces her to the male pig and after much sniffing, serious bonking ensues How will I know she's pregnant enquires the first farmer.

Easily replies the other, when you get up, look at the pig and if she's rolling in mud she's pregnant If she 's eating grass she isn't so you will have to come back.

Next morning comes and the farmer dashes to the window And the pig is happily eating grass in the field Damn he says going downstairs and grabs the pig and puts her in the wheel barrow He trundles off to the other farm and more bonking ensues.

This goes on all week with no success So on the Sunday morning the farmer tells the wife to look out the window and tell him what the bloody pig is doing "Is she eating grass ?" he asks

"NO" says the wife.

"Is she rolling in the mud?"

"No" says the wife.

"What the hell she doing then" he cries.

"She's sat in the wheel barrow waiting for you!"